Inhale, Exhale

Too many thoughts, so little time. Tonight, i found time to release recurring thoughts that I always find myself in as go I ride through the endless cycle of life. So, expect this blog to be bitter sweet. Haha! A "chapsuey" of high's and lows.

First, i'd like to take up the topic of criticisms. hand in hand with perceptions. A lot of times i find it very tiring that people are over critical of others. Or when people try to make a conclusion out of a single event or action of another. Life is just too full of circumstances and possibilities to pose a matter of factly judgment. To sound intelligent maybe? Or is it simply to gossip? People have to be responsible in the opinions that thay give. We know how others can easily be swayed. What type of criticisms am I really talking about? e.g "hay, ang bagal niya mag isip ngayon, malamang may problema sa bahay". OR "Hindi yan masaya sa buhay kasi walang asawa". How easy for people to pose a judgment when you do not really know the real story? Are you a friend? a family member to pose such criticism follwed by conclusions? What is our credibility? The worst is when word go around because an oipinion has become a fact. May people learn to be more critical not to believe. Its hard to be in a community when people like to put their noses on other people's business.There are always the positive and negative perspective to things, it is one's choice to be either pessimistic of optimistic, but nothing is the ultimate truth without hard facts. In the end, it is only REALITY that will count. But it becomes unfair to peopel who has no idea that they are being talked about and cannot even defend themselves. People are free to give their opinion, but I think it will become a more responsible opinion if it was said open endedly or suggests of personal opinions only and not claim to be the truth. I do not intend to come clean. Perhaps, it is also my overly critical nature that makes me tired of it. But as much as possible, I keep these critical thoughts to myself, knowing that I myself commit a lot of mistakes. To know the truth, every side has to heard first. People has their own perspectives, but the biggest mistake perhaps is to make our own opinions as benchmark. Definitely, there are things that are obviously good or bad. But a thousand more things that are cloudy and unclear. Criticisms serves its purpose when they do not just linger around but are contructively said to the person involved. Perhaps, it will create a more understanding environment. It is easy to talk when you are just the observer and not the doer. Perhaps, I have this perspective because I have been humbled by the tough challenges of being in a business or being having heard of so many unthinkable stories.It is easy to criticize the flaws of an institution from the outside, but internal scrutiny has to be done for one to really understand. This is why I hate those who tell you what to do when they do not even have hands on experience of the work. Suggestion is different from imposition or as i have mentioned, a matter of factly way that sounds like its the best solution of all. Reality is very differnt from what is ideal. But I recognize that what is ideal shoould be the benchmark to at least come close to it.

Second, I'd like to talk about PASSION :). Yes, it has perhaps been two years since I resigned from formal teaching, but people will not hear the end of it when i proudly talk about my passion for the profession. Its been two years since I taught the XYGENZ batch, but my love for these charming ladies and the great year with them will always be a bright light of my life. The year that proved to me what passion can do. I remember my realization during the first week of teaching, where the body was bone tired but I know the heart was happy. I did not mind how much work has to be done. I just kept on going without minding the stress. While at the graduation of my dear Xygenz, I stand proud in seeing them mature but remaining to be the warm and loving people that they are. I am proud of them! And the thought that I was a part of their formation makes was priceless. No matter how small a role I played, it was worthwhile. The overwhelming spirit of being a teacher I felt once again :)

I know I am happy doing it, but honestly at times I wonder if can really be a good teacher or was i just good in being compassionate? I feel students are shortchanged when only compassion is present but not competence. I administer a small language center now, and definitely most part I have deal with teachers. All of them no doubt are compassionate, but I have to decline some applicants because of the lack of competency, especially in speaking the english language. I believe that people can be trained, most definitely. Like pronunciations and dictions can be improved, one critical side of business is the time element. When the customers are already there, we have to find competent teachers right away. I have gotten burnt by assuming that a seasones teacher can handle a class well. A lot of it is a question of prepartion. I am not a natural smart, but knowing myself, I know i just need more experience to be more confident. A lot of these insecurities perhaps stem from the so many put downs that I have heard from others, or having been exposed to a highly competitive environment, which makes it hard to gauge my real capabilities. I don't want to sound martyr, but everyday as I fear for the future, I cannot help but think how simple my life would be if I were just a teacher in another country. But on the contrary, I know that I will not be able to take it to be teaching more afluent people when I know I could be developing people who could be productive members or the hope of this seemingly hopeless state. I have recognized an accepted that I am very much attracted be involved in empowering the YOUTH!

HA! What a relief to unload! coming up in the next blog are articles that i would like to have SOLO exposures :)