ON BRAVERY AND COURAGE

While riding a horse to the taal volcano, i kept on reminding the guide not to make the the horse run, and while on banana boat in boracay, i was afraid to fall. Fears that i tried to shake off the entire ride. It was new, because i used to be so much braver. While i was young, i remember enjoying the ride when the horse was running fast! And banana boat??? that was nothing! We even made the boat turn around on purpose! and also this time, i didn't even want to do the fly fish! I used to face all the rides without fear! That's when i thought maybe because of aging. But why be more fearful when aging? Maybe because you have more responsibilites to leave now should anything happen? More work will be put on delay ever? I realize i have become less shy and concious over the years, but that is a totally different thing from bravery and courage. I thought further, but where did i get my bravery in the first place? Though i don't seem adventurous , I have received comments from people on what a risk taker i am. that I am not afraid to plunge into the unknown. I think the first time i got that comment was from a friend that i traveled with to Cagayan de Oro for a project. I really don't know what made her think so. she could not explain well either but explained that i was not afraid to ask strangers while in cagayan. Second, i have friends who always ask how i trecked around europe on my own at the end of my term as an exchange student in Germany. That, i know the answer, i gathered my strength from the thought of not wanting to waste the opportunity that i was already in europe! I can clearly remember the day that i decided, jumped up my bed , bought tickets and made hostel reservations. haha! I did not like the thought that i'd be hindered only because i could not find somebody to come along. Another comment came from a 14 year old kid, who saw that i jumped into a very fast water rapids while we were in a resort. Well, of course in his eyes, I was brave. But this is what i mean, something so natural for me, is awed by another. But lately, It seems that I am slowly losing my brave heart. I thought it was because of aging , but it's an answer that does not appease me. After thinking over and over again, ting! I realize I have been stuck in a very protected environment for over 2 years now. My routinary working life of being dragged into something that is not me. Hence, I come to the decision to untangle attachements and find something new and expose myself to challenges again. I miss my found strength. I come to the conclusion that this is where people may be more courageous, coming out succesful of something unknown. Shocking oneself every so often and not being too comfortable and routinary. Thus, to parents and anybody loving , it may always be a dillemma between protecting and liberating their love ones. Maybe there's a compromise. We can be free but we should know our limits to appease those who gambled on letting us be.